men under the moon

This time of month, I feel un-unusually sad and depressed. I don't know whether it is about hormones flow that drown me deep, or something about seeing blood getting out of my body.

When I took bath this evening, I cried helplessly - true meaning since I can't help myself to refrain from crying. I wept and calling out for God repeatedly. I had to turn the faucet on so that sound of water will hide my continuous sobbing. Last thing I need is people outside force-opened the door being afraid that I might be at something - accidentally broke my leg while bathing maybe?

Anyhow. There was a strange thought running accross my mind. And toward that strange thought I gave in.

I imagined that my eggs had some kind of consciousness and that they so wanted to live.

And because of flaws seen on my physical appearance or holes found in my character men hadn't wanted them to. I even apologized to the eggs: "I'm sorry I couldn't find a man..."

And I began to sound totally out of my mind.

I don't know how I feel about this issue yet, but when I saw the stained napkin I cried. I mourned over a child falling dead, a child that didn't even exist.

And it's getting worse. I felt like throwing up after eating my dinner consisted of vegetables, peanut butter and sliced boiled eggs. Boiled eggs are *nonexistant* baby chickens wanting to live being put into hot, boiling water aren't they?


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