first times

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is told here.

I copied two of my friends' dresses. I dined at the rooftop of two buildings. I ate chicken feet. I watched breakdance live.

I washed my hair with bodyscrub gel. I tried sticking chewed gums on an earthworm and failed.

First time in my life, only done in the recent year, if you know what I mean.

I'd like to mention that washing away tiny beads of the scrub from your hair requires A LOT of water. Don't do it if you're lack of time, either. It felt like full bathing after a day at the beach. Scrubs are like sands, they stick to your hair and won't let go.

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is good.

wo ai ni

A senior at college asked me what music I was looking for at that time. "Why Me," I said.

"Wo Ai Ni?" he repeated.

Come to think about it, yeah, wo ai ni is similar to why me in tones and pronounciation.

And the song was Shaggy's Why Me Lord.

men under the moon

This time of month, I feel un-unusually sad and depressed. I don't know whether it is about hormones flow that drown me deep, or something about seeing blood getting out of my body.

When I took bath this evening, I cried helplessly - true meaning since I can't help myself to refrain from crying. I wept and calling out for God repeatedly. I had to turn the faucet on so that sound of water will hide my continuous sobbing. Last thing I need is people outside force-opened the door being afraid that I might be at something - accidentally broke my leg while bathing maybe?

Anyhow. There was a strange thought running accross my mind. And toward that strange thought I gave in.

I imagined that my eggs had some kind of consciousness and that they so wanted to live.

And because of flaws seen on my physical appearance or holes found in my character men hadn't wanted them to. I even apologized to the eggs: "I'm sorry I couldn't find a man..."

And I began to sound totally out of my mind.

I don't know how I feel about this issue yet, but when I saw the stained napkin I cried. I mourned over a child falling dead, a child that didn't even exist.

And it's getting worse. I felt like throwing up after eating my dinner consisted of vegetables, peanut butter and sliced boiled eggs. Boiled eggs are *nonexistant* baby chickens wanting to live being put into hot, boiling water aren't they?