the need of cleaning up -- part two

Anyway. I can't help but taking note of the decreasing amount of text messages I received. In 2008, I received about 10 messages per day. Nowadays, one week is needed to come to that amount.

But I don't feel lonely. Communication has shifted to virtual means, that is messengers and social sites. However, when I clean up the phone, I found names I haven't been in touch for some times.

Apparently while I'm virtually social, I spend less time and effort keeping in touch with friends outside the reach of social virtual equipments.

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the need of cleaning up

I've been writing blog a lot lately. It means I have nothing better to do than this.
-- SUFFIX --

About a week ago I checked my phone and noticed that it's responding to my commands slower than usual. I scheduled for an inbox-cleaning (734 messages! I wonder why that 2GBs memory of my phone hasn't stopped functioning at all.) but keep procrastinating until today.

Well, I'm forced to do that, because it takes forever to open one message. And message sent by a friend comes to my phone only after 8 hours. Imagine.

So, I stopped proscratinating.

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school of life

Tonight I feel so empty. Not the first time though, and not hoping for same thing happen in the future, but I think it will.

Unless I do something about it. A friend once said, life is a school, and we'd be doing second grade's test, for example, again and again till we get proper mark.

I thought I got an F in Human Relationship. HR's all right, it's Pride I didn't pass.

Another friend was so sure she scored OK at Envy Studies. Well, I was sure abot that too. She's someone you can show everything to, from bonanza cars every now and then to diamond on your wed-finger, and she wouldn't blink an evil eye. However, The Professor's not so sure. Just a little mistake in her answer sheet and ta-da! That friend of mine has been burried in papers for extra points so she will pass. For months.

I just found out that I did mine wrong. No wonder my paper's older than hers.

So tonight, I guess I'll just sent some text messages of forgiveness to some people.

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hair...

I dreamt I was invited to a monument's grand opening, of which main statue was modelled after me.

It was yellowish in color, or greenish, or greyish, can't remember correctly. The pose was like New York's famous Liberty statue, but size's very different, my statue was only 10 feet tall.

I walked round to see its back, but stopped under the arm that carried a torch. "Was the sculptor in his right mind?" I exclaimed in horror, as I stared at the statue's massive amount of... armpit hair.

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the good guy

I always want to do things without people humming behind me, uttering how stupid my decisions are, how I should do other things instead of this silly little thing nobody would do.

I am always a reader. I want to read all books in the world. And when I watched The Good Guy, something inside me rebelled. This movie tells about a book club whose members are reading Lolita.

I know about Lolita. I have wanted so desperately to read it, but I declined and declined because it's an immoral story. Or so I'm told.

I will believe it no longer. Too many people open their mouth for things they don't know, or in this case, have passion about.

So... On the right side of this blog, I put a list of books i want to read. By any chance you live near me and have those books, be kind and tell me OK! I'll borrow them..

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ways of a heartbreak

And I listened to you. And I don't understand.
-- me --

I was heartbroken. Again.

It felt like a jab on your diaphragm. It felt like all your senses became clearer out of nowhere, almost two times as clear as it had used to be. And it's bad, coz you'd feel the jab on your diaphragm almost two times as painful.

I had difficulty breathing.

If your heart's ever broken, you'll know that the difficulty breathing has nothing to do with anything physical. Actually you can breath normally. Actually you DO breathe normally. But you're conviced to take the pain that would emerge had you stopped breathing.

Why would the body do such a thing, I have a theory. It's to divide the pain. If all pain should be carried mentally, one cannot resist. But divided between the heart and the body, it's still bearable.

It's interesting to observe things like this. If you're not in the position of having your heart broken.

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first sign of moving on

You know you're in love when you value his opinion above any others'. You know you're out of love when you no longer care what he may think (or not think) about you.

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balm that stains -.-

Noticing that Luna Twilight 'Just Bitten' Staining Balm from Polyvore is actually a lipstick, I couldn't not grumble: "What will be of this world.. Later you'll call eyeliner as chalk of darkness, face powder as most pure dust, cologne as heavenly liquid prick."

Oh my, what is liquid prick anyway?

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don't wear to impress

When trying to be someone I'm not, I always get into trouble. Why I never learn?
-- me --

Recently I was asked how may hours I day I spent improving myself. I answered, three. And suddenly he became very interested in me.

I, on the other side, slowly felt cold crawling down my spine. "Girl, if you're as dilligent or discipline as you described yourself, you probably has got a condition one hundred times better than you're now in," I scolded myself.

In the end I didn't take his offer. I was too ashamed of myself.

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nightmare on ambengan street

In a dream state, your mind mostly loses the ability to criticize anything that's happening because dreaming just doesn't involve the critical part of your brain.
-- 5 Ways To Hack Your Brain Into Awesomeness --

About a week ago I had this awful dream. I was in a dark room, soaked in a pool full of water. The water's not clean, I thought, and the pool's floor and walls were plastered with cement only.

My problems didn't end there. I saw dogs on the water, they looked so fierce. As I nervously walked away from the dogs (the water was only my chest's deep) I slipped and got to the deeper side of the pool, where my toes couldn't touch the floor.

I woke up sweating. What a nightmare!

The next morning I told Christa about my dream. When I got to the part where I fell to the pool's deeper side, she cut my story. "So you weren't able to stand anymore. The pool's deep. What did you do?"

'I swam,' I replied.

"So in a dark, deep pool full of fierce dogs you did survive?"

'I guess so,' I said. All of a sudden my heart warmed up. This friend of mine's sure a national treasure.

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one hectic morning

Rapid alarm attack from my mobile phone. Rapid pillow counter-attack on that phone. My approach towards the alarm phone was one of a serial rapist's: "Scream all you want, nobody will hear you. <insert maniac laugh here>" when I suddenly realized that it's weekday. Weekday meant only one thing, work. Which I was late to.

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antartica -- part two

Actually Antartica's full of mineral resources. But exploitation of the resources is banned until the year 2048 by the Protocol on Environmental Protection to the Antarctic Treaty. Personally I would like to have such thing banned forever. If ice on Antartica ever melt down, my city would be buried underwater.

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antartica

I saw satellite composite image of Antarctica and its elevation colorized relief and can't help thinking: there's an aligator, or lizard, at top-left of the picture, who seems to be hugging that cold continent. Don't you think so?

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orphan

"Are you a pedophile?"

'No.'

"I'll kill you! I'll kill your family!"

I know this matter shouldn't be laughed about, but had Esther found an abusive godfather, wouldn't they live happily ever after? The man would get a perfect object for his inept desires because Esther would never grow up physically. Perhaps Esther, out of her new happy life, would eventually stop killing people.

Don't understand what I'm talking about? Go watch the movie! :D

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first times

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is told here.

I copied two of my friends' dresses. I dined at the rooftop of two buildings. I ate chicken feet. I watched breakdance live.

I washed my hair with bodyscrub gel. I tried sticking chewed gums on an earthworm and failed.

First time in my life, only done in the recent year, if you know what I mean.

I'd like to mention that washing away tiny beads of the scrub from your hair requires A LOT of water. Don't do it if you're lack time, either. It felt like full bathing after a day at the beach. Scrubs are like sands, they stick to your hair and won't let go.

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is good.

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wo ai ni

A senior at college asked me what music I was looking for at that time. "Why Me," I said.

"Wo Ai Ni?" he repeated.

Come to think about it, yeah, wo ai ni is similar to why me in tones and pronounciation.

And the song was Shaggy's Why Me Lord.

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men under the moon

This time of month, I feel un-unusually sad and depressed. I don't know whether it is about hormones flow that drown me deep, or something about seeing blood getting out of my body.

When I took bath this evening, I cried helplessly - true meaning since I can't help myself to refrain from crying. I wept and calling out for God repeatedly. I had to turn the faucet on so that sound of water will hide my continuous sobbing. Last thing I need is people outside force-opened the door being afraid that I might be at something - accidentally broke my leg while bathing maybe?

Anyhow. There was a strange thought running accross my mind. And toward that strange thought I gave in.

I imagined that my eggs had some kind of consciousness and that they so wanted to live.

And because of flaws seen on my physical appearance or holes found in my character men hadn't wanted them to. I even apologized to the eggs: "I'm sorry I couldn't find a man..."

And I began to sound totally out of my mind.

I don't know how I feel about this issue yet, but when I saw the stained napkin I cried. I mourned over a child falling dead, a child that didn't even exist.

And it's getting worse. I felt like throwing up after eating my dinner consisted of vegetables, peanut butter and sliced boiled eggs. Boiled eggs are *nonexistant* baby chickens wanting to live being put into hot, boiling water aren't they?

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